The Fielder Report ~ Stop the Mom Guilt

Every mom I know feels guilty about something that she probably doesn’t need to feel that badly about.  The pressure moms put on themselves to be more, be the best, do more is really quite an extraordinary amount of pressure.  Most moms I know, like myself, are working as hard as they can to be the best mom they can be.  Trying to keep their identity in tact, while curating a happy home life for their families.

Let’s face it, moms make the world a better place.  We inspire, bolster our children to greater things, and simply just make sure our families’ needs are met with tireless energy and zest.  I got to thinking about how important it is that we moms go a little easier on ourselves.  I know I don’t tell myself I’m doing a good job as often as I should (maybe never).  So, in honor of changing that… here are a few rules to help get rid of some of this guilt we are all carrying around and enjoy our lives (and our kids lives) a little more.

Photo: Thomas Garza

It’s OK Not to be Class Parent

Photo: Thomas Garza

We all know the pressure to be involved, be there, and help.  Volunteering at school or in the library is always something that I wish I had more time to do, and when I can’t, I sometimes feel like a heel.

Guess what?  Its OK not to volunteer.  If your time is limited, then spend the time you have available with quality time with your kids.  They will enjoy it (and you) for doing it.  Take a day off during the year, and pick up a shift and surprise them.  They will remember that more than anything else.

It’s ok to take a trip with your husband to California and leave your kids at home ?

I just took a trip with my husband Jeromy to Laguna Beach, and I added an extra day on my trip!  Imagine that.  Time for myself to get a bit bored, relax, and catch up on some work by the pool.  I woke up the last day feeling super guilty and worried that I had made a bad call.  At the end of the day, I got home.  My kids were just fine (actually super happy), and I was so delighted to spend time with them.  While away, I got to regroup a little and get prepared for the rest of the week.  I had a wonderful time adulting and came back ready to spend quality time with them.  Just do it.. go on a trip with your hubby.  You won’t regret it.

It’s ok to buy that pair of shoes you have been wanting (dreaming of)

Photo: Bob Manzano

We are all guilty of passing on a pair of shoes or the perfect jeans.  We don’t need it we tell ourselves, yet we go out and buy extraordinary things for our kids.  It’s important to realize that YOU need rewards too.  Whether it’s buying yourself something or some time to yourself to regroup, one of the most cornerstone rules of success is to reward yourself.  You’re a successful mom… so you deserve a reward.

It’s ok to give in once in a while

Photo: Thomas Garza

I’ve always said, fight the battles when you need to, but it’s so much more important to win the war.  It’s ok to let some things slide here and there.  It’s not taking the easy road, it’s just knowing that life is all about balance, give and take.  Your kids won’t turn out as terrible humans if you sometimes just let something go.  You will be ok, and so will they.

It’s ok to want to go to work on Monday morning

Photo: Thomas Garza

Yep.. we have all had those weekends where we thought it might never end.  Kids are amazing and fantastic, but they take a lot of energy, and many times they don’t leave us much energy to focus on us.  It’s important to realize it’s ok to want some time away.  It’s actually a proven fact it’s better for you and your kids.

It’s ok.. Yelling at Your Kiddo Happens

Photo: Thomas Garza

I always tell my kids when I make a mistake.. “You know what?  Now you are off the hook.  You don’t have to be perfect because mommy’s not perfect either.” And, it’s so true.  When we give ourselves a break and realize that we aren’t perfect (and either are our kids), the whole world becomes more amazing, and it is a different perspective.  Realizing that you can make mistakes and still be a great mother are key to getting rid of the guilt.

Tell yourself you are a Slayer

Photo: Thomas Garza

We have all heard it before… self-talk and what we say to ourselves really matters.  “You get what you think.”  It’s an old principle of success, but it is a truth.  Tell yourself all the good things you want people to think about you and model all the great parts of your personality.  The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and it does work wonders on the way you feel (and the way you will treat your kids too).

xo, KF

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